| Well today has been a long day. I went to bestbuy, then to big5 and then target. My dad bought me a tennis ball... he was trying to replace the other one that he threw away. Though he tried, it wont replace my original tennis ball that Adeann gave me. That ball meant a lot to me. That tennis ball was the first thing adeann gave to me and it was when we both liked each other. She told me about that story, how she picked up that tennis ball cause it reminded her of me, and then she gave it to me. I really miss that ball! Honestly, that tennis ball meant a lot to me. It went everywhere with me! I played with that ball so much that it was sad when i found out that it was gone. Well this whole week was pretty intense. Feelings were hurt, yet forgiven, but will never forget. Adeann told me "so did you let all of your jealously out." I was really angry and hurt. It shows how messed up a person can say to someone they love. That sentence sounds really mean, and i dont mean it like that. But honestly, who would say such a thing to the person you love. Yet I let my anger out but it wasnt cause of jealously. Anyways for those of you who reads this wants to know how do i feel. (doubt that nobody is gunna read this) well... first: i was really angry cause right when I moved on from the past, she had to bring it back up. I moved on... what she had done.. i moved on, yet she reminded me all of the shit she has done which made me bring back the hard work i tried forgetting. second: well first, she broke my heart so much that it sucks, yet she always try her best to heal my heart by putting bandages. When she told me that, its like smashing my heart with a hammer, even though she almost healed my heart. So I am left alone, heart broken again. I still love her though, dont get me wrong. Shes my everything and i'd die for her. third: disappointed because like i said above.. who does that to the person you love. Who brings memories that they try to forget re-appear again. I dont need to know about that, yet she reminded me. fourth: revenge... It is really sad for me to think like this but ever since she said that, I wanted to find some way to attack her back. Thinking, oh what if i were to say something like "oh your just jealous that this girl cant do what you do" but yet thats cheating and yet I HATE cheaters. I am not a cheater and I will never cheat on the person that I love the most. fifth: shocked... I thought she learned but i guess not. She still does the same mistakes which breaks my heart once more. sixth: distanced... when she said that, I wanted to be away from her, to not talk to her, not see her.... I'm still with her but just distance from her like crazy for the stuff she has done to me. seventh: hatred... I hated her so much that i just wanted to yell at her and cuss her out. Yet I rarely yell at people and that i rarely cuss people out. It isnt me to do that to a person, especially i love. Its interesting, i somewhat kept my cool. I let her to do that to me because at the end, I am not the one who is feeling sorry. and well yeah i did something bad too.. i said to her "why are you acting stupid like that" which i felt sorry... see thats why i barly do that to her, cause i tend to feel sorry. I hold things in so that way, i wont feel bad for the bad things ive done. What im saying is that, if i do something wrong, i tend to feel bad, so i try to avoid it. anyways even though that happend, I LOVE HER! i really love Adeann Orlino! well ok anyways, im done with that. so on Friday the 4th going to Saturday the 5th. i went to her house and we watched music and lyrics.. well tried to. So we started watching and then im like "man i want to kiss you" so i did and OMGOSH that was the best kiss ever. wooooow. hahahaha that was really fun. I miss her so much right now. I feel very lonely. I want to describe the kissing but it might get too graphic. ahha well im going to say it anyways. So first we started doing lips, then the tongue was involved. During the tongue, i kept my tongue in her mouth and i started playing with her tongue. (ahaha i remember what she told me about that... that pissed me off and it scar me, and changed my views... the stuff she says, its weird doing to her now). But it was FUN! ahahha! Man, im truely in love with adeann. shes my everything. I love you Adeann! heheh, see here... i cant picture my life without knowing her now. She has grown into me and that i dont want to ever lose her. Losing her is like losing your true close best friend. The stuff that we do together is just great. I remember taking her out to islands on our 1 month anniversary which was amazing! haha i remember before that we went to chi-chis... that was fun! thats the very beginning. And before that, i remember we went to the movies, Across the Universe. That day was when i first held her hand and it was just amazing! All of her friends were looking at us. HAHAHHA oh my goodness. Before that, ooh wow. I remembered when i kissed her on the cheek.... Oh man!!!!!!!!! i was freaking out after i did that. I was like "ooh crap, what is she thinking right now? does she like it? does she find it weird? was it to soon? ooh crap! i hope she doesnt look at me in a awkward way!" haha good ol' times. I am going through the past, of our wonderful memories together. hehe English 101. D' Astoli. I sat down next to her outside of class and i said "Hi!"...... she said hi back, but then turned around the other way. hahaha i got rejected! :P few days after... she asked me if i was mexican. Thats where it began. I will never forget that day. I wonder how would it be like if I had sat next to her. that would of been crazy. haha! so anyways, after school im always out there waiting until her ride comes. Being a good person, i wanted to be friends with her first, even though I liked her. hahah! I wanted her to be safe too. Oh! that reminded me, I remembered about a month ago, I dropped her off to the library, and we were just hanging outside like good old times. The place where me and adeann chilled after class until her ride arrived. From remembering the past, it makes me forget the bad things she has done/told me about her. I am actually ok with it now, even though her past was pretty not ok, too much sexual things with her. But still, i dont mind anymore because what counts is right now, me and her, from the day we met up until now. Yes I know what happened with my blog. I was venting all of my anger towards this thing instead of a person. Well i kind of did but yeah. Theres a lot more good things then bad things about our relationship. just a heads up. Also, every relationship is hard. Theres going to be fights and feelings hurt. Its not easy as it thinks. If it is easy for a person, then that person hasnt been into a real relationship. For me and Adeann, now thats what you call a real relationship. We fight and hurt each others feelings. (I tend to win... dont tell her that!.. jkjk! ahhaha) But anyways, continuing on to our wonderful relationship, this coming monday is going to be our 6th month anniversary. I want to take her out to dinner. Well im planning to pick her up, then go home really quick cause the Saint is coming over for one week, then take her out to dinner. Its going to be amazing! I want it to be romantic, something that we both will never forget. I truely love her, and nobody can take her away from me. hehe that sounds selfish but oh well. lol. Well yeah, shes my everything and I want to be with her forever and ever. :) |
